I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize