Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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