i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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