my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
