so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
