I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
