How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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