I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
