So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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