This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
