Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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