Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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