You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
