i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
