Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
