why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
