my sisters under your porch take her home
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
