new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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