i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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