i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The power of my boobs compel you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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