you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
