Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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