next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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