omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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