Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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