On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
