I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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