call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
