Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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