Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
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