id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
