she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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