god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
