i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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