U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
