The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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