I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
