she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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