I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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