The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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