Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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