i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
