You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
