She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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