addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
