the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i think im in europe. pls send help
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
