I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
being pregnant is like rehab
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
