why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
