I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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