i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
