I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
