you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
