do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
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I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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