I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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