I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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