Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drake has all the answers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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