I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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