HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
