Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
