I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
