remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
