GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
