Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
