some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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