Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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