plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
