Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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