I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
