If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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