Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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