I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
