You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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