It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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