just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
