I love black thongs
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
