We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
